Losing Touch
by Denjer
Summary: Roy has a nightmare. Ed is there to help.


Will fix formatting when I get to a friends computer. I dont have one, so im using my phone.

Red eyes and white hair. The smell of burning flesh. Gun shot after gun shot, fires that never stopped… Everything was closing in around him, suffocating him with the fumes. It became harder to breathe as he became more aware of the musty, sand-laced collar of his damning uniform, the snapping of his fingers that he could not control not stop, shit, fuck, everything's burning. Got to kill, got to follow orders, fuck, who's touching me, shit, got to kill-

Awareness came to him with a harsh gasp and a twist in the sheets. Roy couldn't hear anything from his heart pounding to the blood racing through his veins. A small part of him was reminded that he was in his bedroom with Edward, and that he was safe. But where was Edward? All he could feel was the soft sheets beneath his knees, the comforter over his back, the body under him and the throat clenched in his hands-

Shit.

His eyes focused in another bout of panic, matching the gold ones below him. Edward's eyes were wide and brimming with fear. Roy had his hands clasped around his throat, nails digging in and bruising harsher by the second.

Roy tore himself away as if he'd been burnt, throwing himself off the bed and scooting into the corner of the room. He heard a raspy voice, edged with pain and fear, then realized it was his own. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, forgive me, forgive me," he repeated, whether to Edward, himself, or the one's he'd killed, he had no idea.

Edward sat up, face no longer filled with fear, but with confusion. His neck was red where Roy had been grabbing him, and he was visibly shaking. "Roy?" he asked, hesitant and quiet. "Hey, it's okay, what's wrong?"

Roy shook his head, and pushed himself farther into the corner. He wanted Ed to go back to sleep, to forget. They had been doing so well, they were getting along so well. Of course Roy had to fuck it all up with his fucking nightmares, he had to scare Ed off, he knew it, it was over, all Edward had to do was get up and leave, it was less than he deserved, fuck, fuck,fuck.

The Colonel's breathing verged on hyperventilation as his lover carefully got out of bed, and made his way towards him. Edward couldn't know what was going on, he couldn't know the thick layer of slime and rot that lay just under Roy's skin, the layer of disgustingfilth that would never leave, that ate away at him every day, waiting until he felt safe and happy to attack, Edward was so pure and beautiful, he just couldn't be tainted with the contagious guilt disease that he'd been burdened with following the war, he couldn't.

As Roy shoved his face in his pulled up knees, Edward made his way closer, moving like he was encountering a spooked horse. He was wearing nothing but Roy's big flannel pants, a sight that was usually endearing but now only rattled in Roy's brain like molten lead. 'He's so young, he can't know. Just leave Edward, save yourself.'

"Hey, it's okay, I promise, it was just a dream, I'm alright, see?" Ed spoke softly, barely heard over Roy's erratic breathing, as he tried to calm himself enough to listen to the calming melody of his lover's voice, "Roy, it's alright now, it was just a dream. I'm safe now, I promise."

A warm body settled itself right next to Roy, forcing him to raise his head in shock. Why would Edward want anywhere near him after that? Instead of rage or tears like he expected, Edward just looked resigned. "Look, it's okay. I get those dreams too. It's alright. Just.. Let me in, okay? Do you want to talk about it?"

Roy was just about to pull back and tell him that no, he didn't understand, never saw the hundreds of terrified faces that he had to kill, never saw the crying children that never did any harm, never had to wake up for months on end knowing that you'd take lives that day, but he stopped himself. Edward had seen hell, a different kind, granted, but Roy reminded himself yet again that he wasn't alone. "I'm so sorry, Ed…" He choked out, raising a trembling hand to brush away bangs from Edward's face, focusing in on being gentle, calming down to play with that soft, golden hair. "I never meant to-"

"Roy. It's okay. You're going to be okay." Ed opened up and pulled his lover's face to his chest, softly holding him and stroking his hair. "C'mon, baby, I'm fine. You didn't hurt me. I was just surprised. See, I even used one of those stupid pet names. You like those, right?"

He laughed weakly at the joke, recalling how much Ed said he detested pet names, but in reality, he'd blush a little bit deeper, and lean in a little closer. Roy felt the panic in his chest shift slowly to a ball of shaky hesitation. Was it really okay? Was Ed really not mad at him? He wasn't going to come home to an empty house? "Are you sure?" Roy sighed, pressing closer to Ed, slipping an arm around his waist. His voice was still trembling, and shit, was that a tear on his face?

He raised a sleeve to wipe it away, only to be stopped by a gentle automail wrist. Ed leaned in and gently kissed his cheek where the tear had been streaming down, then kissing Roy's forehead. "I'm sure, Roy. I know we're not perfect, and I know we fight, but you know I'm here for you, right? If you ever want to talk about it?" Roy nodded, leaning in a placing several soft pecks on the angry skin of Ed's neck in a silent apology.

He appreciated Ed backing off, gained comfort knowing that he knew that some subjects were not to be breached. They didn't talk about the war, or barely any of Roy's life before it, Roy just wasn't ready to discuss it. Ed respected that.

"C'mon. Let's get you back to bed. It's not even 3 yet." Ed chuckled, standing up and pulling Roy with him. They walked intertwined to the bed, and fell into the spot they spent so many amazing nights. They curled together like happy cats, fitting together perfectly, as they always have.

Ed pulled the covers over both of their heads, and placed a smiling kiss on Roy's lips. "Alright, goodnight, you." Ed smiled, shifting closer to nudge his nose into Roy's collarbone, hooking him closer with a flesh leg.

"Love you." Roy sighed, already falling asleep, protected by the strong walls of his golden lover.


End file.
